TEAM EFFORT

By Tim Walker

    He is the most fascinating person in the world. Everything he says is golden. Every phrase he utters is either the most hilarious thing your son has ever heard, or the most profound.

     She seems to have the coolest clothes. She seems to know everything about the latest bands or movies. She knows just the right words to post on your daughter’s FB page.

 

     They are the most interesting people in the world. And they seem to be anyone but you.

     It’s not that you don’t know the shows your kids are obsessed with or can’t post encouraging things on FB. It’s not that you’re never funny or even profound. In fact, a lot of what that guy or girl to your son or daughter is saying are things you’ve been saying for years. But for some reason, your son or your daughter doesn’t hear it when you say it. For some reason, when uttered by him or her, those words pierce your child’s heart.

     Sound familiar? Then you are definitely parenting a teenager. The teen years and a few years beyond are a time of life and development when your child begins to put a lot of stock in the voices outside your house. The voices of their friends, coaches and even small group leaders.

     And while personally you can feel a little slighted that the child who once thought you hung the moon acts like you no longer have anything valuable to say, the truth is, this stage is natural—even if it is a little painful at times. So when the inevitable shift happens, and your voice seems to become less and less important, the big questions are, “Who are the people speaking into my kid’s life? Do they believe the same things I do?”

     It’s not that your role isn’t important or that your words don’t have value—there are still some things that only you can say and do for your child. It’s just that the other voices have been elevated to just as high of a level.

     So the challenge is to widen the circle. To make sure there are other trusted adults investing in your son or daughter. In our student ministry, we believe those people are your child’s small group leader. That is why we are intentional about making sure your student has a consistent leader in their lives every week, guiding them towards truth and connecting with them relationally.


     But did you know there are ways you can connect with those leaders as well? Here are some ideas on how you can partner with your child’s youth leader:

• Acknowledge the importance of the youth group’s leader role. If your child won’t talk with you about something going on, you at least want him or her to have someone in their lives they can talk with, someone you trust and your child trusts, right? So make sure you let that group leader how much you appreciate him or her making themselves available and investing in your child.

• Encourage the group leader. If your child has a great compliment about his or her leader, or you notice something he or she did well, let that person know. Working with students can be challenging. Sometimes they are quick to offer a compliment and sometimes it’s painfully silent.

• Provide your contact information. Give the leaders your contact info and let him or her know your preferred way to get in touch with you. Let them know you would love to hear from them about the ways they see your teenager maturing and growing—insights you may not necessarily have from what you see at home.

• Offer to help. How can you help that group leader out? Maybe you could host an event at your home or provide food. Maybe you could even babysit that leader’s child or help him or her with a specific need in their lives.

• Get to know them. If the leader is young and/or single, invite him or her over for dinner. Get to know the leader as a person. Don’t use it as an opportunity to interrogate the leader to find out information about your child. But enjoy getting to know this other adult in your child’s life.

     The primary goal is to make a connection and make yourself available. You are the parent, but you also need other people in your child’s life. People you can trust and people you know your child trusts. We believe your child’s small group leader can be one of those voices.

NOT QUITE GROWN UP

NOT QUITE GROWN UP

By Tim Walker

Are you done yet?

Are you completely grown up?

Be honest.

Yeah, me neither.

Sure, I put on the guise of being a grown-up every day—I’m married, have three kids, work a job, drive a car, pay a mortgage.

But if I was completely honest, I still have some growing to do.

And I’m not talking about my waistline. (Ahh, the 40s.)

Quite honestly, there are times when I feel anything but grown-up. There are times when I want to run and hide like a little kid. There are times when I want to pitch a fit like a toddler. There are times when I want to eat dessert first. (Well, that last one I actually can do. Refer back to the earlier comment about the waistline.)

These realities make it quite clear that I still do have a lot of growing to do. I’m not done yet.

I still need to learn.

I still need to be challenged beyond what is comfortable.

I still need to be willing to discover new things about who I am, who my spouse is, who my children are and the world I live in.

I want my relationships to grow and be more than what they are today—and that includes my relationship with God.

Sure, it would be easy to ride that one out. After all, God and I have known each other for years. But just like with any relationship in my life, I don’t want it to stay right where it began. It would be easier to stay where I am. It would be more convenient, require less time and less attention, but let’s be honest. The relationships we have with people where this is the case, rarely go the distance, and seldom do they ever become lasting relationships with genuine connection. With these people the conversation is only going to go so far. The connection is going to be limited.

Like many of us have probably learned the hard way, relationships not invested in and not cared for don’t make it. Relationships not growing are slowly dying.  I don’t know about you, but I don’t really want that to be the case with the people I care about.I want my relationship with my wife to be more than it was when we first met.

I want my relationship with my kids to be more meaningful than when I changed their diapers. Relationships are meant to be dynamic. They were meant to grow and change.

And that includes my relationship with God.

And here’s one thing that is awesome about God—He wants this relationship to grow too. And He will use all kinds of things to make that happen. He wants me to not only grow in what I learn and know about Him, but He also wants me to grow as I experience life with Him. Not only that, He will bring people in my path to direct me. He will use circumstances that cause me to lean into Him and prove how trustworthy He is. He will take my simple “I’ll do it” when I volunteer for something and show me how serving connects my heart to His.

So many people see being a grown-up as the finish line, reached when all their goals are accomplished. Those are goals filled with the “If I can justs . . . “ If I can just . . . get a job, get married, have kids, buy a home. But you and I know those justs can be moving targets.

But the God who made you and me, the God who knew us before we were born, is the God who says, “You’re not done yet.” There’s still so much He wants me to know, and there’s still so much He wants you to know.

I’m not done yet. I still need to grow.

And I will be at this place until the day I die, because He’s a big God, and there’s still so much He wants to show me.

So you’re not a grown up. You’re simply growing up.